he's coming

1st of october, 2009
and i will be there !


yesterday was...

wine = i was drunk
dance = i was tired
which means i went home so early! i can't believe it.. sometimes when im drunk i do stupid things , but i never go home :D i came home and i was sitting on my bed, and thinking " why am i here? " and i found a scar on my arm (no memories) and a heart on my hand (sylvia?)

im not normal, thats for sure.


pretend your happy when you're blue

'you should yas that to yourself much more.' and she laughed. i felt so empty but so heavy at the same time. 'you have no idea! you have no idea what i have to go through to live with you!' i wanted to say, but of course i did not, and i know ill never will. i wish i would be strong enough to say it out loud; i hate you! but it will never happen. its easier this way. pretending every single day.no, i dont pretned love i prentend i can stand her. and she does the same too. she wants everyone to think she loves me, but it will never be love. its too late now to say sorry, because i wont and she wont so we cannot help it. we have to live like this , in silence, with fake smiles , not showing real feelings because if we do we just fight.
but that sentence was too painful. it was the only thing i thought i really do, but if she cant see it, than why am i doing this ?

i cant help it , i love this song.


door to door

yaritai koto to dekiru koto wa betsu da.




must be an angel by now

my mom had to take my kitten to hospital and now madzag is dead.
the whole family is so upset because he got poisoned! its just so not fair he never did anything bad to anyone. he was so cute and such a nice cat. i havent lived with him for a long time because madzag came here while i was in japan. he was always very scared, my other cat is sleeping in our bad and very out-going but madzag had always a face like" whats going on?" . i will miss you <3

so i went to buy ice cream and beer with my mom - things that makes us happy.
and with this i start a new label; neko (means cat in japanese) because i really love cats and i always have something to say about them.


sanyo fight-oh

i decided to start a blog in japanese too , for my japanese friends and classmates.
i recieved 31 letters from my classmates, one from my class teacher and one from my helper / english teacher. they almost made me cry but it was rather funny. they all asked the same questions like how do i do and what am i doing nowdays, they all wrote they miss me and they were so surpiried when they read my letter and saw that my japanese is great. they are so cute (^___^)
my mom gave me the envelope and counted the letters i recieved.
"And you say you couldn't make friends!" she said. i had to laugh and said she was right. It was difficult to make friends but they remeber me ad they miss me and i miss them too , even though we never went shopping together or never went to the movies together. we spent almost everyday for 10 months in the same class room and they are all a part of my life. they are my lovely japanese class mates.

(sanyo was the name of my school and sanyo fight-oh was what we were screaming in festivals nad stuff)



yesterday night was great
im ill and it sucks
i should not behave like i do sometimes
my cat has not been eating for a few days now
i have japanese test tomorrow
i will watch japanese tv series



i will have spring vacation in less than a week! i will go to sleepovers , and shopping and party all day long.
i want these so bad;